The decision to seek a diagnosis is personal and fraught with angst. And, yet, if given the choice between blindness and sight, I can’t imagine anyone hesitating to choose clear vision. So, why do we struggle with seeking answers to our mental health and brain based challenges when answers are meant to light the pathway and lighten the load of angst and anxiety so often felt with ADHD and other challenges? Fear of the unknown may blind us to what is helpful. And we may become paralyzed with indecision.

As adults our indecision and hesitation to seek answers is our choice to make, for better or worse. But what about when it affects our children? I see this conflict in families, and have been in its midst in my own. I hear you. I have said the same words.

You don’t like labels. You don’t want your child to have a label. You worry your child will have fewer options in life. Medications have side effects. That scares you. It’s going to be hard. You don’t have time for this. You want your child to stop overreacting. You say, “Try harder. Be more like everybody else.”

“Behaviors are symptoms of difficulty needing solutions.” Dr. Ross W. Greene

If you need glasses to read, you wear them. Does wearing glasses make you weak or lazy? Or does it show intelligence to use the tools you need? Nobody questions using a screwdriver to remove or tighten a screw. No one questions the value of changing a light bulb when it no longer lights up. How many of us keep a flashlight nearby in case we lose electricity? We value our vision and we take steps to protect it, and with good reason.

If you were to notice your child had little bruises, was tired all of the time, complained about achy bones and headaches, and was losing weight, would you insist they be more careful when climbing into the car, send them to bed early, and say, “Quit whining?”

No. You would run screaming to the doctor to find out what is wrong. Would you care that homework might take longer, or that you might need to approach life differently if the diagnosis is serious? Would the problem go away because you aren’t ready to face it? No. You would read every book you could find about their diagnosis and look for every possible treatment.

You would ask for help. You would look for support. And, you wouldn’t blame your child. Instead, you would create an environment that supports and nurtures them.

So why treat ADHD or any other brain-based challenge differently? What are you waiting for? You know in your heart something isn’t working or you wouldn’t be scared or angry right now.

“ADHD is the worst kept secret.” Dr. Ari Tuckman

The people waiting for you to be okay with “different” are already struggling. They already have labels. They may or may not have friends. They may disrupt class and miss recess as a punishment. They may use every ounce of energy to sit still in the classroom, to fit in, to not interrupt the teacher, to color inside the lines. But at what cost. They get home and melt down. And you don’t like it. I get it. I’ve been there. I feel your angst, truly.

Getting the diagnosis and learning about your child’s unique and extraordinary brain wiring is a brave first step. You will be holding the flashlight until they can hold it themselves. You will be shining a light on the path to unleash their talents and gifts. The time is now. It’s not 1968 anymore.

An abundance of resources exist to help you make sense of ADHD and its many challenges. Acknowledging strengths and learning to work with a brain operating system that is out of the box takes work. But it IS possible. Learning to manage executive functions and learning to regulate emotions are part of the work but the work supports the ultimate goal of thriving with ADHD.

Let’s break down the stigma, empower ourselves with knowledge, and unleash the creative, energetic, curious spirits inside our children. Let’s flood the future with their lights. And who knows, you may make a few new discoveries about yourself along the way. I know I did.

There are so many resources available locally and online. But, CHADD is a good place to start. (https://chadd.org/about/) Call me to learn more.

With love and compassion, Jen 🍃❤️